The Last Word:

Catch Me If You Can

Rod J. Howard
December 13, 2016

   It’s wonderful in America how anyone can aspire to just about anything, and people get to do and try different things, no matter how old they are and no matter what they have and haven't done before.  Take The Donald and his Cabinet. A man with no government experience becomes the head of the government, a medical doctor is named to run the Housing Department, an aggie is named to run the Energy Department and the country’s nuclear weapons program, science-deniers are named to run science-based agencies, and an oil company executive is named to run the State Department.  I don't know about you, but all of this has given me the confidence and encouragement to step forward and throw my hat in the ring for a position I’ve always wanted:  CEO of Exxon-Mobil.

   True, I’ve never worked for Exxon or for any oil company, but I’ve bought a lot of gas for my cars in my lifetime, done a lot of oil changes, and my first credit card ever, when I was about 19 in college, was an Exxon card.  Or maybe it was a Chevron card.  Whatever.  The man on top can’t let himself get lost in the details, right?

   I’ve also never run a big company, but I’ve shopped at a lot of them, and I started this website.  If I could handle that, I think I can handle the C-suite at Exxon.  

    Anyway, experience is overrated.  Like the book says, you learn everything you need to know in life on the playground.  For the rest, you can get it online from breitbart. 

   And if that doesn’t do it, there’s always that tried and true gem:  just fake it.  Remember Leo DiCaprio in Catch Me If You Can.  Here was a guy who didn’t know anything who passes as a doctor, a lawyer, and an airline pilot.  Who knew?

   The trick seems to be when you don’t know the answer to a question (or you don’t know any answer to any question), just turn the question around:  “Mr. CEO sir, what should we do?”  “Well, Bob, I know what we should do, but just for kicks, since we're paying you big bucks, you tell me, what would you do?  And if you don’t have a clue, I’m sure that Liz here, who has her eye on your office, knows.”  If that doesn’t work there's always “What would Jesus do?”  (Or, for a really different answer, “What would Donald do?”)  Or a casual “Just do what Rex would have done.”

   I mean, what could be so hard about running Exxon?  And what can be so hard about running State and doing global diplomacy?

   So, Rex, don’t let the quibblers stand in your way or get you down.  You got to the top before, and if you could make it there, you can make it anywhere.  Besides, what’s the downside? If it doesn’t work out for you at State, there are 192 other member states of the UN to get lost in on the way back from wherever.  And with the miles you’ll earn as SOS, you’ll be flying free for life.